Hire Me

To Tell Your Story.

Many words spell failure.

When silence is not an option, hire me, Zak Fenton.

I will argue your point. I will inspire your audience. I will dispell your critics, enthrawl your comrades and enrage your opponents. I will bring people to their knees, for better or for worse, but only for enough money.

I will tell your story, my way.

Why Me?

Because I'm as blunt as a rock and as sharp as it's edge. Because I don't see words as poetic fairytales but as means to ends. Because I talk without overthinking, without underthinking, sometimes without thinking at all. Because I'm fluent in HTML, but I see the world in plain English.

And because I can start a sentence with a preposition, or even a conjunction. Because I know the rules, and I break them with the utmost eloquence.

But most importantly: Because I got your attention.


Fuck no! I learn at the library.


You're looking at them. Use the menu at the top of the site to see more examples. I can't do everything for you!

(Okay fine. If you're too lazy to browse the menu, just Learn Some Latin.)

Contact Me

Whether you need ten words or ten-thousand pages, Contact Me ASAP to discuss your project.