As A Software Developer!
I'm an outsider to the commercial software development industry, but my talents are unsurpassed.
My professional background is mostly in fresh produce, my training is mostly in sales and food processing. I don't have any university degrees and I wagged high school to smoke bongs. I still got top of the class in maths, and I regret nothing.
I was forced into learning mathematics as a child because of my family's background in small business, however I'm naturally terrible at arithmetic so I had to compensate by learning many optimisations and continually double-checking my results.
I was initially taught to use computers by my grandmother, who showed me that they can do all of that stuff for me, and now as a result, I can code better than anyone in your office.
If you pay me enough, I'll prove it.
- Unix, BSD & GNU/Linux Operating Systems (e.g. I can write hardware drivers, develop custom distributions, write portable shell scripts, develop large applications that work across all Unix distributions, etc.)
- Domain-Specific Languages (e.g. I can use Lex/Yacc and modern equivalents, I can produce compilers & transpilers, I can produce syntax hilighting plugins for many editors, I can produce optimised multithreaded VMs, etc.)
- Legacy Tools & Language Translation (e.g. I can get ancient Delphi or C/C++ code working on new systems, I can perform statistical analysis and use other methods to reverse-engineer proprietary file types)
- Finding Bugs (as long as it works, I can break it, and as long as I can break it, I can fix it - I have developed a special process for this over the years, I don't just sit there staring at the screen and pulling my hair out)
What I Have To Offer
- Some experience working on software in a team environment
- Listed as a casual contributor to Java-GNOME (I worked on Cairo & Gdk support to enable fancy semi-translucent windows)
- Helped deepin improve their English translations (mostly in Python applications)
- Around 15 years of experience tinkering/hacking/experimenting with software, including:
- Operating Systems, Kernels, Core Infrastructure
- Programming Languages, Compilers, Interpreters, Editors
- Games, Engines, Renderers, AI, Physics
- I can program any computer in any language (quantum computers, Cuneiform, it's all the same to me)
- Experience in hardware design, web development, business management & customer service
- A very in-depth knowledge of logic and number theory (I make my own calculators)
- More energy than a nuclear bomb
- Unstoppable confidence
Check Out My Portfolio!
See the Projects section of my site for some examples of my work. A download of an application I'm working on right now is available on the SDK page (there are also some screenshots if you're lazy).
My profiles on GitHub (also mirrored at GitLab) and Chisel also feature some examples of my work.
My profiles on XPlace and LinkedIn may highlight some more of my skills.
Hire Me Today!
Contact me at email@example.com to arrange an interview today, because tomorrow I might be too busy selling SkyNet ;).
(That actually wasn't a joke. If you're in the market for a cybernetic supervirus sent from Hell to destroy the Internet, you really should contact me ASAP.)