How To Advertise Jobs

(Because You Suck At It)


I've been looking for a job ever since the start of 2015. I'm still looking.

Sure, I'm picky. But that's no excuse for your terrible ads!


Your job ads suck because your company is unproductive, which is because you are either too lazy or working in the wrong job.

If that statement applies to you, then I suggest that you resign immediately and without hesitation.

This way, somebody more suitable can take your job.

General Tips

Command Is Division

If you intend to hire somebody who knows what they're doing, you must first isolate and then describe what it is that you want them to do.

Saying that you want a system administrator with C++ experience is a good example of how to fuck this up: That isn't a job description, it's a category mismatch - you are seeking a pastry chef to work as a French translator, and your success will be limited by the coincidental accuracy of your idiotic assumptions.

Marketing Doesn't Work Here

It only makes sense to engage in marketing when the economy isn't already forcing food down your throat. When you advertise a job, I assure you, there are people actively looking for jobs. You do not need to lie to them in order to convince them that they need a job. Even if it is a shit job, lying about it will just get you shit workers.

I'm serious - what you call "marketing", job seekers call "lies". For example, search "entry level" in Seek and see how many of those positions are at a level which can actually be entered (without prior experience at the same level). I'd even go so far as saying that none of the job adverts on Seek are honest - but then I'd be lying. Marketing, if you will.

To put it simply, your job in a management position is to lay down the law, so any ambiguities are to the detriment of your security.

Learn To Use A Computer

So, you want me to fill out your online form and upload a resume in Microsoft Office format... Even though I could just email you a URL?

For a job in a large organisation, working in a non-technical role, this request would be understandable - things should be streamlined, there should be a process to things. But, there must be flexibility to your process, or it will not be able to adapt to future circumstances.

For a system administration or programming job, on the other hand, here's what it sounds like you're asking for:

  1. You expect me to pay Microsoft for a copy of Office.
  2. You expect me to buy a compatible computer with a copy of Microsoft Windows.
  3. You expect me to type up my resume on a computer that can't even do ASCII properly.
  4. You expect me to explain my intentions within the confines of your online form.
  5. You expect there to be no technical issues with your custom-made online form.
  6. You expect me to work as a system administrator, on Linux, because your over-engineered website keeps getting hacked by spam bots.

Are you having problems setting up your email or something?

Experience & Qualifications Are Meaningless

Unless there is a legal necessity to hiring somebody with a certain qualification, it's completely pointless to say that an eligible candidate must have a certain qualification.

I've also seen a lot of job ads (especially from large technology firms) who are looking for university graduates but not in any specific discipline. I don't know if there's a point to this, but I can't find one. It sounds like you've overinvested in your own education and now you're just trying to level the playing field, but I don't think you've thought out your plan very well.

When you hire a worker to work, you hire them based on their perceivable ability to complete the work. When you hire someone to be creative, you should hire them based on their portfolio & their interest in the project - i.e. their perceivable ability to complete the work.

All work is essentially prostitution. Hiring a prostitute based on their years of experience is just like hiring a sales representative based on their years of experience.

Some examples: