Hire Me

You Know You Want To!


I'm good at lots of things. If it can be described exactly on paper, then I can understand it perfectly.

Most of my experience is in food preparation and retail, but my real talent is in computer linguistics (programming languages, natural language analysis and text processing) and more generally in quantitative analysis (constructive cost cutting and predictive stock management).

I'm not interested in a long-term career in IT, but I am very interested in money.

Tailored Resumes

I have no real credentials as a programmer, so be warned - my Software Developer resume is basically just an introduction to my project portfolio (however, it is a very extensive portfolio - the information on this site is only the tip of the iceberg).

I have plenty of experience in the food industry, so be warned - I will quit in a hurry if you use vinegar as a substitute for citrus and I pronounce "jus" the Latin way because French is très cliché.

I have no commercial experience as a writer, besides some technical documentation.

How To Advertise Jobs

Seriously, if you're anything like most of the businesses on Seek, you're a lot worse at it than you think. You come across sounding arrogant and dishonest because you (presumably) apply marketing principles to something which is essentially the opposite of marketing (purchasing is not sales, and exceptional staff are not a commodity product).

I wrote up a page with some helpful advice for businesses seeking exceptional staff: